I don’t know what to title this. But… Yeah.
WARNING: have tissues at the ready.
And this contains smut.
And contains cutting.
“I love you.”
Neither of them had ever voiced their feelings about eachother.
To their friends it seemed as if it was the fear it wouldn’t be reciprocated.
They both knew that was not true.
To them those three words were the most terrifying.
To them everything they loved was ripped away.
If they told someone they loved them they would be gone.
Harry’s mother and sister.
They hadn’t told eachother they loved them because of the fear that the second they said it the thing they would give their life for and hold nearest and dearest to their heart would be ripped away.
They were nothing without eachother.
Then Louis said it.
Harry opened the door to his shared flat and shouted for his boyfriend.
“Boobear! I’m hooooome!” No response.
“Boo?!” No response. Its awfully quiet for Lou to be here but he always told Harry when he left. He then heard a door slam upstairs. Harry walked up the stairs and to their bedroom. He opened the door. Nobody. Then he heard a broken sob from the ensuite. He threw his jacket onto the bed and walked over to the door.
He softly knocked.
“Lou?” He heard another whimper and jiggled the doorknob. Locked.
“Lou, will you open the door? What’s wrong?” No response.
“Louis open the door.” He spoke a bit more sternly now. He heard a crash and went into panic mode.
“Louis open this goddamn door right now!” He bellowed. Nothing. He kicked and beat on the door shouting Louis name. He had tears stingin gat his eyes as he yelled. Louis sobs were becoming louder by the moment and that’s when Harry’s fight or flight instinct kicked in. He backed up and rammed into the door, breaking it down. He ran into the bathroom to see Louis crying in the bathtub with a razor in one hand. He jumped into the bathtub and threw the razor blade into the sink. He pulled Louis up into his arms and examined every limb on his body. No cuts. Thank god.
“Lou, baby, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, pulling Louis into his chest and gently stroking his hair as he cried. His eyes landed on the open laptop on the desk. Twitter was open and there were tons of hate messages in his message box. He slammed the computer shut and lifted Louis in his arms and carried him to the bedroom.
“Lou why didn’t you open the door for me?”
“Because, Harry!” He screamed, his voice rising a few octaves, causing Harry to slightly recoil from his tone and volume. “I don’t want you to see me like this!”
“Lou, Lou. Look at me.” He picked Louis’ head up and looked him in the eyes. “I don’t care how you look Louis. Whatever they said, none of it is true. There is nothing bad about you to hate on.” He wiped away a tear falling down Louis cheek. Louis leaned in and kissed him. He climbed on top of Louis and kissed him back. Louis grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged at it, pulling Harry down on top of him. He kissed Harry rough and hard, wrapping his arms and legs around his broad yet bird like frame. He rutted his hips up onto Harry’s and Harry chuckled into the kiss.
“Please, Harry.” Louis whimpered, still having tears flowing out of his crystal blue eyes. Harry sat up and pulled his shirt off. Lifting Louis up to where he was sitting, he pulled his Leeds Festival tee shirt off. He laid Louis back down and latching his mouth onto his neck, gently sucking a bruise. Louis ran his hands through Harry’s curls, a broken sob escaping his lips. Harry’s face rose up and he kissed Louis softly.
“Please stop crying, baby.” He ran his hands down Louis’ torso, trailing kisses along his collarbone and chest. Once his hands met the waistband of Louis’ pants he moved them to the zipper and worked on the button and zipper. He pulled Louis pants off and kissed Louis’ stomach. He ghosted his hands over the front of Louis’ boxers, barely grazing his half hard erection. Louis moaned and rutted his hips up. Harry sat up on his knees and leaned over to kiss Louis. Louis pushed him up and sat up with him, unbuttoning his jeans and laying him down. He pulled Harry’s jeans off and threw them off of the side of the bed.
By now Harry and Louis were both completely hard, and Louis was kissing Harry’s collarbone. Harry flipped them over to where he was back on top of Louis.
“This is all going to be about you, Boo. I’m going to make you feel good.” He whispered into Louis’ ear. Those words went straight to his spine, making him shudder with the huskiness of Harry’s voice. Harry pulled off Louis’ boxers and leaned over, reaching into the bedside tables drawer. He leaned back and coated his fingers in lube, leaning over to kiss Louis as he pressed one finger into him. Louis tensed, then relaxed, knowing it would just make things worse of he didn’t relax. Harry started slowly sliding his finger in and out of Louis until he was rocking back onto them. Then, Harry added a second, pulling small mewling noises from the back of his throat. Then, a third. Louis keened back onto Harry’s fingers signaling that he was ready.
Harry discarded his boxers and grabbed the lube, coating himself in a generous amount. He lifted Louis’ hips up slightly to help get both more comfortable. He pressed his tip into Louis and he bit his lip feeling his tightness. Louis dug his head into the mattress and moaned. Harry didn’t stop until he was all the way in and then froze to let Louis adjust. After a moment he heard a breathy:
“Move.” And he started slowly thrusting in and out of Louis’ thin body. Louis was whimpering and pulled Harry down for a quick kiss. Harry sped up and changed position and knew he had hit that spot inside of Louis when he screeched and threw his hands into Harry’s hair, tugging on his curls. Louis started moving his hips in time with Harry’s thrusts and moaning expletives.
“I’m close, Haz.” And Harry sped up faster than before, going deeper than he has before, and with two quick tugs to Louis neglected length in time with his thrusts, Louis is coming all over his own chest, back arching off of the bed, hands fisting at the sheets, screaming Harry’s name. The sight and the feeling of Louis tensing around him had Harry’s head falling back in a silent moan as his grip on Louis’ hips tightened.
After a few moments he pulled out and ran into the bathroom, quickly wetting a washrag and bringing it back to clean Louis up.
Once they were both clean they cuddling into the bed together, Harry smiled at Louis and leaned in to kiss him, Louis gave a small smile, his tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes still visible from the crying. He pulled Louis into his body and rubbed his back until they both fell asleep.
Harry sat up quickly, being woken up by a loud scream. He looked at the clock, 12:37 am, and then to the other side of the bed, no Louis. He leapt out of bed, pulling his boxers on and running to the bathroom near their living room. He opened the door and Louis had the laptop again, the razor again, and this time had actually cut. He was bawling his eyes out. His wrist was bleeding like crazy. Harry lifted him up and carried him to the bedroom. Then, the other boys bursted into the house. Harry didn’t even ask them how or why they were there at midnight, just started barking orders.
“Liam, call 911! Zayn, Niall, grab some towels and help me put pressure on this, please!” He screeched, tears pouring down his cheeks, face beet red, body shaking. He looked over at Louis.
“Lou why would you do this? I told you what they say isn’t true.” Louis just continued to cry. The boys came back in, Liam on the phone, Niall and Zayn helping Harry stop the bleeding. Louis heart rate was becoming weaker and weaker. His chest was rising and falling at a much slower rate than usual.
“Im so sorry. Harry, I just want you to know-“
“No, Louis. I don’t need to know anything, your going to be fine.” He whispered. Louis gave a weak cough and whispered:
“I love you.” And Harry broke out into hysterics.
Everything from there seemed to happen in slow motion to Louis. The ambulances ran into the room, questions flying everywhere but he could only hear one thing. Only payed attention to one thing.
Liam and an ambulance were attempting to hold him back as he screamed. Liam was crying, but not nearly as much as Harry.
“NO! LOU! NO! DON’T LEAVE ME! YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! LOUIS!” He screeched. His voice much higher than usual, his face red, tears pouring off of his face and onto his shirt, trying to break free and get to Louis. And then it all went black as Louis drifted into the darkness in their bed.
Their bed they went shopping for and bought together when getting their new home.
Their bed they had spent countless lazy days and breakfast in bed mornings in.
Their bed they had whispered a thousand sweet nothing’s to each other in.
Their bed they shared their first kiss in.
Their bed they made love in a thousand times.
Their bed that smelled like last night.
Their bed that always smelled like home, Harry. Harry was his home.
Harry watched as Louis’ eyes closed and he lay there motionless. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor, Liam’s arms wrapped around him, holding him and rocking him as he cried. He watched as Louis rolled by on a stretcher and down the hall, out the front door to the ambulance. He leapt to his feet and ran outside, still in his boxers, but he didn’t care.
“Let me ride with him!” Harry shouted running to the woman climbing into the back of the car with Louis.
“Sir, that’s not a good idea. Go get yourself decent and come to the hospital.” She went to close the doors but Harry put his hands in front of them.
“No, let me ride!” He shouted, climbing into the back. He was pulled out if the van when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him down.
“Harry come on, go slip on some pants and we’ll go straight there. I promise.” Liam spoke. Harry sighed in defeat, it being broken and jagged since he was still crying, and ran into the house.
Louis has been in the hospital for two days, unresponsive. Harry hasn’t left his side once. Except for when he had to have emergency surgery and when that stupid twat faced bitch of a nurse wouldn’t let him ride in the ambulance with him. He hasn’t eaten or slept since Louis came to the hospital. Harry had looked at the hate messages Louis had been reading. They all had something to do with how Harry could do better than Louis and Louis didn’t deserve Harry. In Harrys mind those people dont deserve to even be able to look at Louis. Hes the only one who deserves to lay eyes on Louis. Apparently the boys had come to the house because Louis texted them all a simple ‘goodbye’. Harry had cried for a majority of the time, when he wasn’t crying he was whispering things to Louis body, hoping somehow he would hear him and come home, back to Harry, and not leave him alone. Then, he said it back.
Louis has been awake for a few moments listening to Harry whisper sweet things to him. He mustered up all the strength in his body and opened his eyes right as Harry said:
“I love you too, Louis.”